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My Dad alz

Posted: 12/12/2011
Pat, TN:

we live in Tennessee. My husband is very sick, in nursing home twice this year. Home health coning now. I am going through radiation treatment for breast cancer. The problem is my dad. He live a hour from me, is 86 and finally got his dr to put him on dementia meds about two weeks ago. He lives by himself and I can not get him to come to my house. Just found out he is not taking his meds and is not eating. I can not be in two places at one time. he realizes enough to say no to leaving home but is forgetting everything else and is hateful now not like him at all. He will not agree to lst someone to come in and stay. How do you handle this. I am the only one to take care of both of them. Thank you


Dear P.

The scenerio of your father’s behavior is quite common. Are you the Power of Attorney (POA)? The POA should meet with father’s physician to clarify level of care need and setting; ask if home care is best option. Also meet with father’s attorney about finances for his care and work with what is available to the greatest extent possible. Counsel will be able to advise on medicare and medicaid plus supplemental programs father may qualify for.

POA is responsible for arranging effective care for dementia. Home care would be ideal for all three of you if levels of care directs this. Do keep in mind that considerable resistance, agitation and combativeness are common reasons for deciding to place the elder in a care facility.

Note that elder has to comply with the decisions of his legal representative; a role that focuses on his best interests.

Care needs you describe are clearly at burden level. I’m glad to see you understand that you can only do so much. Please remember to also take care of yourself and reach out for help.

Best of luck; thanks for writing in.

Karen L. Rice, LNHA, Gerontologist, Mediator

Alzheimer’s & Family Care Management

Alzheimer Mediation For Dementia Conflict