Help Loved Ones with Dementia Feel More at Ease During the Holidays

By Leah Felderman BA MA  
Updated: 12/08/2019  
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How does a household of family navigate interactions with an elderly family member struggling with dementia?

The role of the responsible adult in a house full of family typically gets delegated to the host and/or a select few family members. Yet, certain situations require the collaboration of the entire holiday party. Such is the case when a family member has dementia.

It is important that all family (and close friends) that are present at the holiday gatherings be made aware of the family member’s plight. The act of informing is not to be the bearer of bad news nor to spread family gossip. Rather, by letting others know of the situation at hand there can be cooperation on how to best assist the loved one with dementia enjoy the holidays to the fullest. Minor adjustments can make a major impact when interacting with people who need extra kindness and consideration.

Include your family member with dementia in the planning.

If possible actively include them in the planning of the family gatherings. If this is not feasible, find out what they would like to participate in and what aspects of the holidays they would like to skip this year. Maybe your elderly loved one with dementia prefers smaller family gatherings to lessen the stress. Perhaps an event that concludes a bit earlier than in years past is desirable for fear of sundowners.

Adjust expectations.

Build on positive past traditions and memories; ditch traditions that may cause undue stress or other negative impacts. Also adjust as needed during the course of holiday events. If something isn’t working be prepared to modify on the spot; if something is working well, stick with it!

Involve the family member in all possible aspects of the celebration.

Focus on activities that are meaningful and enjoyable to the person with dementia. Watch the same holiday movie for the umpteenth time and play the same silly parlor games. Engage without being patronizing. Make certain they have the option to be included if wanted and the easy ability to decline if they truly don’t want to partake in any particular aspect.

Maintain a normal routine.

This may seem entirely contradictory to the concept of “holiday” but try not to veer too far off the aging loved one’s sense of normalcy. If they regularly take naps, exercise, or have a certain diet try to help them stay in their normal routine as much as possible. Those with dementia are best served with routine and consistency, as this lessens the chance for confusion and anxiety.

Familiarize those present with the situation.

Suggest strategies and tools to help interactions for those unfamiliar with dementia. Make certain your aging loved one with dementia feels comfortable with a supportive and understanding holiday ensemble. This is a team effort!

How can one communicate and connect with a loved one who is dealing with this devastating disease?

Communication adjustments can be simple, yet extremely helpful! Share and utilize the tips below for communication with dementia patients.

• Be Patient.
• Try to refrain from interrupting or correcting.
• Make certain to give the person time to finish their thoughts and statements.
• Try to keep conversations clear, precise, and simple to follow.
• Limit common conversational defaults utilizing memory and recall ability.
• Instead of asking “Do you remember when,” alternately approach the same topic of conversation in form of a story. This helps to entertain and engage instead of taxing a dementia patient’s recall ability.
• Introduce people and topics with simple background information. This may seem a pedantic and sometimes redundant conversational adjustment but is in fact an extremely useful tool for elderly dementia patients.
• Abort if needed while providing an alternative option for decompression.
• Sometimes things just don’t go as planned. Perhaps a conversation was starting down a precipitous path, perhaps a meltdown already ensued. Don’t despair- graciously and swiftly divert to a situation of familiarity. Whether it is a walk outside to discuss the weather, a trip to the refreshments, or a simple hug. This too shall pass, such is the nature of the disease.

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